She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
