Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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