i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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