Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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