.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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