I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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