You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
