It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
not ubering you a puppy
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize