Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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