i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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