In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
