Already got asked if we're dating
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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