Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
