I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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