i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
