Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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