Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
