Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
