I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
