dude i'm inner monologue high
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
