Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
