Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
