dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
