Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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