Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
