and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
