is your mom at the bar?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
