I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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