i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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