Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
