nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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