in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
