My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
wow bdsm is so cute
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
