He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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