The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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