you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
