I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
