remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
