I faked an abortion last night.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize