When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
