We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
