oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
