I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
