College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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