I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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