dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
