Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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