so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
