She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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