I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize