i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
