i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
