im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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