its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
