margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize