My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
