i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
