You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
