I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize