OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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