I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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