I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
