insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
