If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
