I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
